Poetry...life in few words...How I feel..

I sit in my room at night
And dream of holding you tight
Even though
In reality youre nowhere in sight
I sit outside to the fresh air
Wishing you were right here
Although I know you all the way over there
So I sigh and cry a tear
I sit in my chair at school
Dreaming that I wasnt such a fool
Instead my heart acted cool
And ruin our hearts
Now I lay in my room at midnight
And stare into the moons light
Wishing god would make everything just so right

Its that time of year again
When all that is good goes nuts on me
I cant seem to find a way to calm it
I cant seem to avoid the pain
It drives me absolutely insane
Now I try to rescue everything thats so dear
But when I come to it
It all moves away from here
I turn back time and it all makes me tear
But now that its gone
I have to say goodbye
Its that time again
Where my worst fears comes true
Either way I go
My heart turns blue
I never know what to do
Besides sit back and ask god how to get rid of my hearts blue
Theres no time to tell
How long my Life will last
But this time of year
Always makes me look back at the past
And wish my mom were still here.

Life is sometimes so short
Disaster bites people in the ass
In a flash
Your loved one is gone so fast
I know that when she was here
That goodbye seemed so far
Then in that flash I had so many tears
She wasnt near
She was all the way up there
My mother was gone for good
But never did I understand for good
Till the day I realized it was true
That death made life blue
That not saying goodbye wasnt a mistake
For I never couldve predicted the future
Now I lay back and wonder how many more will leave
Before my death is here.

Its the way you make me smile
That shows me that youre the one
Its the way you take my heart out to have fun
Its the way you changed me when you entered my life
Without you
Most likely the world would be gloomy
When the gray clouds block the sun
You brighten up my day
There are so many words I can say
So few days to say what I really need to say
I love the way
You make me smile
Make my life worthwhile
And the friendship you have giving me
You are the girl of my dreams
And if we never meet again
I know I met an angel and she was my best friend

Before I met you
It seemed I already knew you
The day we met
Felt like the night before when I slept
I realized that I was dreaming of you
I wondered if you were dreaming of me
All those dreams
Suddenly hit reality
Your eyes gleamed into mine
And I realized how sweet and kind
You really were
I thank god the night we met
For he gave me the light to see again
From that day on you became a friend
And I have so adored your presence
To the point
That if I ever loose you as a friend
I would never see another one touching my heart again

Ill be there for you
When your heart is gloomy and blue
This I promise you
For I know my love is so true
I will do all that I can do
You will never cry again
Your heart will never die girlfriend
You are so special to me
In every form on earth
Your heart will never have to rebirth again
This I promise you my friend
Till the end of life altogether
You and me can love forever
Ive never been around and before
But when I met you I just knew it was true
From that day on
I know that angel was mine
And never will you tear
For your prince will always be there

Im so sorry
For the way I treated you
Girl I was a fool
To say that we were true
Im on my knees
Please baby Please
Just give me one more chance
I know it will be true this time
I wont throw you out like a rusted dime
This time its forever
Will you please make forever be with you?
Ill beg till you walk away
Hoping youd just stay
I know you were hurting
But baby please dont close the curtain.
I cant sleep baby
I cant imagine life without you
This time Im so true
About loving you

No two people add up to you
Your smile
Your hugs and kisses
Will always be missed
At night I lay back and start to tear
Wishing you were still here
I wonder what you do up in heaven
The years add up to be eleven
All those lonely days
All those non stop tears
Have brushed back the pain and fears
I finally have realized
Youre gone forever
But if I live life right
Ill go to heaven and we will once again be together
Until then, Ill sit back and start remising
About all the joy and happiness I have missing

Its over was the last word
You ever said to me
I never thought that word would ever be
More then a word in the dictionary
When we gave it the ax
I couldnt cry
All I wanted was you back
Now that youre gone
I pray that are love will revive
From the depths of hell
You were so simple and outgoing
That love was the only thing showing
Never did I know
That before my eyes
Hell was working its magic and you were to go.

I search my heart for words to say
Everyday I see your face
Your daily smile never goes any other place
Except straight to my heart
And thats when I realize
That deep inside your eyes
You are that princess babe
You say you are in your screen name
And I know the love I have for you
Is truly no game
What guys do to you
Is not my business
When they break your heart
Its truly hard not to notice
Those tears in your eyes
And thats when I see again
That you are a really special friend
And I love so much
And I hope you always will know
That you can depend
On my love for you to always show.

Death is the holy sin
That will always make you cry within
The words I have to say
Has to begin but will never end
You will always be my mother
But most all you are my holy friend
You brought me here
With all the pain and every tear
You loved my dad
But never did he have
What someone like you had
You stuck with my every nightmare
And calmed my every fear
If I couldve said one last goodbye
I know that I wouldnt cry
Unlike my dad
I would be strong
Even though your death was wrong
In my heart you will always be
Up in heaven
Is where we both will meet
Until my death I say goodbye my friend
Goodbye my mother I say I love you again

The sky hangs outside for you and me
The stars beat at night
For the loved ones you lost to show you light
And the sun beams on us
To brighten up our days
When the earth moves on its axis
Day rotates into night
The light turns to darkness
And play turns in to bedtime tonight
When you fall deep into sleep
You dream about something great
Maybe a girl youve loved since you were eight
Then when you wake up
With the sun in your eyes
You know that god is blessing you
You repeat your days
And when the last one is near
You feel it inside the heart
That you and your loved ones will be apart
But you shouldnt worry
For up and heaven you will meet again
And become holy friends

Over the year
You have been here
From every night to every day
You would always say
Always look positive
From every breakup
To every tear
I have always been there
To say always look positive
When we are down
We pick each other up
When we are happy
We both laugh together and have fun
One day it could be so gloomy
The next could be full of sun
With you as my friend
I can always depend
On your heart to pick me up
With me as your friend
You will never have to turn to another again
For you can always depend
On me being your one true friend

Dad
A three-letter word I never had
Dad
Someone who suppose to be there
To help you deal with your worst fear
Dad
A person who gets mad
And protects you from the bad
In my case Dad
A loser who cant be strong
And admit to what he did wrong
Someone who cant stand
Becoming a man
My dad
A dead beat loser who takes off from his son
Without saying goodbye
And leaves his girlfriend behind
To cry
Never do I want to hear his voice
Nor see his face
Never do I want him to take me places
For he missed out on my childhood
My dad
A loser who doesnt know that life
IS more then having a wife
And then running off
My dad
A deadbeat

Why do we all feel
That love is so real
When all are relationships we have had
End up in ditches
Why do we all think
That love is a game
When every time you play you never win
Why do we all think that heartbreak is just a phase
And that it will take just a few days
If everyone knew
The loss I had when I lost you
They know it would take forever
To realize we are no longer together
Why does it take so long to find love that is strong
When not all men are mean
Just a handpick few
Get someone so cruel
I know I am not perfect
But I know that I can be as close as I want
If I found someone sweet
Which is few
I would know that my love could show
I ask all those questions
For one simple reason
To become a better man
Unlike my dad on the other hand

Angel spread your wings
Fly like the angel you are
And find the perfect man
Unlike god I am so far
Away from becoming the perfect man
I am so in debt in tears
That I owe my life to god
When I lost my only angel back then
I never thought another would show again
I dont know if god sent Amanda by mistake
But I am so grateful he did
Never did I know
What was an online friendship
Would go so far into having this crush I do
Looks are all people go for today
Unlike other guys
I see deep within her skin
I see the biggest heart in such a tiny body
I see the sweetest girl in such an ugly world
But most importantly I see the friend
Who will never give up in me
A friend that I can depend on
When I need help to be strong
Losing this angel would be so wrong
So I pray monthly
That she will always be here
So I never have to lose an angel and 10,000 more tears

I show myself again
That everyone loses a friend
I cant show myself again
That I can make it past
The loss of mother so fast
Its been almost twelve years since the day
That the greatest woman in my life went away
Its been so long
Since that fateful day that went so wrong
But I still cry my heart out
I still scream and shout
Asking the holy father why he took you
Why did you have to go so young
Never do I get the question solved
Never do I realize that the loss of a friend
Should give me the strength to be
Whatever I see
I want to grow up and live till its my time to die
When I go
I pray that I will end up again
With my mother also known as my sacred friend

Say what you need to say
Dont hide what you feel
I know that what you feel is real
But never have you told me what is true
Never have I heard it from your mouth
In order for love to begin
it has to be said from within
And till you say those words to me
Love can never be
I have been hurt so much before
And never have I regained full emotions
I fight the tide
And realize I have to let your heart decide
If you dont tell me
Then I will say it one more time
Our love can never be

I know you have been hurt
But every one must go through
Something tough to believe
When he said so many words you thought were true
You never saw the lies beneath those words
And now you cry at night
Thinking he was the only light
But you never saw how your friends felt
Now your heart sits and melts
Now I sit in my bed
And hope your heart doesnt die
Without you I would be ashamed to carry on
Love is endless if you dont stop trying
And I know right now you can not stop crying
But you need to understand
That he isnt the only man
Who will ever touch your hand

The visions of love are so far apart
What love is can only be found in two hearts
When the two hearts combine
Each believe that each other are the only one they can find
The visions of love sometimes brings tears to your eyes
When your heart suffers a blow
Your emotions reach an all time low
And you start to cry
When those visions of love make you cry
And the reason you cry is for the goodness he or she shows
You will know that they are for real
And they understand that you will never love the softness of anothers hand
When the visions of love are so close together
Two become one
And live their love forever

A friend is someone who can be depended on
When something hits you directly in the heart
A friend is someone who never changes over time
When someone else enters his or her life
A friend can be far apart
But you know that friend is still deep inside your heart
A friend can be family or someone you meet
Who is always on your side through thick and thin
And when all is gloomy and dark
Your friend tells you to restart
And forget what you did wrong and start over again.

Sometimes you have to think
Of when you were a little kid
Go back to the very first thing you did
And see the smile on your face
When your parents took you to that toy place
Sometimes you have to help
Forget the tears you first cried
When your favorite animal died
And realize you have a family who really cares
And tell yourself again
That you have some of the greatest friends
Sometimes you have to smile
And say that the next day will be better
And realize life is an ever-changing battle
With you coming out on top in the end
With your family and friends
Right by your side
You will always know
That the love you show
Will be shown to you by another

Its safe to say without you
That I wouldnt be the man today that I am
You should me the way to go
When I really was lost
You taught me how to deal with pain
And not cry
For you were so close to dying
That night you told me
That no one believed that you would make it
I really laid back and started crying
It change my whole life
And now I owe you my heart
For you saved it from dying
Without you
My life would be split apart

I want a million things in life
But nine hundred ninety nine thousand dont equal up to the main one
When I first met her
She showed me how to have fun
Took me out to things Id never seen before
Took me to her hear and gave me a grand tour
Now I lay at night
Dreaming in my bed
Thinking about how much she means to me
And the next day I realize
That she has a special quality in her eyes
She is a beautiful girl
But her eyes gleam shows my reflection so easy to see
Showing me how much I really want to be
More then just friends
This thing I want
Is more then any present I have got for Christmas
And I ask you Santa
Will you please wrap her up and bring her to me tonight?

You said it was a game
It was all the same
A new guy
A new day
It didnt matter whose heart you butchered
You really didnt matter how I treated you
I was just another fool
And I never really had a shot
In that letter you wrote
Dear Scott
Its all over
I never ever realized what kind of guy
That I wanted I was using
Im so sorry for abusing
Your bright red heart
Sincerely yours
And then I started to realize
Its my time to shine
Not sit here and listen to myself whine
Its time to be strong
And not sit here and think of what I did wrong

I wonder how life would be
If I never met you
I wonder if I would be
So happy and free
If you werent here
I wonder if I would still have so many tears
The worst thing with you
Is the fear of losing you?
I could never think of life without
I would never stop to think
I would always be able to shout and pout
But never would I be
Half the man I am today
Now I thank the lord at night
For bringing me this light
Without her
My life would be so cold and dark
I thank the heavens above
For losing such an angel
Never did I know
When I met her
That the stars would shine during the day
Shes a holy princess what can I say

The way life is without you
The way that I felt when you left
I way I feel when I hear about you
The way pictures of you make me feel
When I cry I am always like this
When I lose grip and lose a friend
When another dies I am like this
When I am down all the time
And no one can pick me up
It seems to me
Without you
All I am is sad.

Weve been through so much
Weve been apart so little
Through all those fights and all those tears
Were stronger then cousins
I know that we have been through so much
But I also know that we will never give up
Were stronger then others
You and me are like stepbrothers
No other cousin has been so cool
Even through times I was a fool
Youve stunk behind me
When others could not see
Now I know
That you and me will always glow together
You and me are friends forever.

The nights seem so dark
The days seem so dull
Even though the sun may shine
There is no time in the sun
I go out and pretend to have fun
But it doesnt seem so sweet
I see friends mothers and I break down inside
I tell them your up in heaven
When I know your closer to me
Deep inside my heart
Lie your love and your pain
The agony still lingers inside my brain
When mothers day comes around
It drives me insane
I know I cant celebrate it
No other woman would be a perfect fit
Now I realize you had to die
But I will never really know
The exact amount of rainfall I have cried

Goodbye
Do not cry my son
Up in heaven I will be
If you need me send me a prayer
I am your mother
I will always be somewhere
I do not have to keep an eye on you
Its time to become a man
Your dad wasnt Mr. Right
Dont let that take away
From the man you can be
Son, you will always be
Someone special to me
I know I am ten thousand miles above
If push comes to shove
This is the message I hope you read over and over
You are a four year old little man
Take some other womans hand
She cant take my place
But she can guide you through your childhood
Once again
I am saying goodbye
Now son, dont cry
Mom just had to die.

Tear drops stream down her face
Its 1999 and her love has gone to a higher place
She feels like the world has came to an end
Instead she finds the greatest friend
A companion to shove her strength
And take her heart and piece it back together
She thinks hes forever
Till a fatal accident
Shes left with shreds of sorrow
Her heart seems to be bleak and cant be borrowed
Then she realizes
That theyre both deep inside her heart
And even though far apart
They will see the light again
One day all three will be together
This time, however
All three will be forever.

The window is open
My heart is closed
The breeze enters the window
The pain never leaves
The windows in one piece
My heart is in shreds
The window is nice and clean
My heart is battered and bruised
The window is left to clean
My heart is left to be abused
The window is in a border
My heart is in a corner
Left to be punched out
The window is simple and plain
My heart has so many secrets
So many lies
But the window is so plain
Inside my heart
Theres so much that I need to explain
So in reality
My heart and a window are so little a like
Just like the speed of a car and a bike

Darling angel
Please dont fly away
Youre the one I really need to stay
You always were the one to clear my fears
Now I owe you more then a day of tears
I have always thought girls were weird
But not you
You always seemed to be special
Never did I realize
To the day I finally stared into your eyes
Now I promise to cherish you
Until the day we both die
I plan on keeping you dry
Showing the world you dont need to cry
Happiness is all you need
Darling angel
Please dont leave me
I wouldnt be what I am today
Without you
This I promise you.

When reality is here
And all it brings is an endless pit of tears
Dont be afraid to call me
I told you I would always be there
When life doesnt seem right
And all it brings is darkness to block your light
Dont wait until tomorrow
I told you to call me at anytime during the night
When theres no end in sight
And pain is driving you insane
Dont wait till the day is done
Call me and come over and have fun
I will wipe away all your tears
And bring back your smile
Helping you get through your pain is cool with me
So baby dont sit back and be
Another figured in your own misery
Come to me and become that angel again
For I am your friend
And you would never have to worry again.

My heart has gone gray
The sun has hid away
And the world has seemed to miss a few days
I just havent been the same
No more her by my side
Spreading our arms together wide
One big hug everyday
Now she has gone away
Maybe one day we will meet again
Remising on the day we spent together
Little more then four years of her loving
Seemed so small
When god took her
My heart just couldnt stop but to fall
Straight to the floor
My life and my heart was shattered at four
And if I see her again
I will spread my hands wide
Stop and wipe away all those tears
And thank god were there together
And pray to god
That these times last forever

Theres some sort of fire
Burning inside my soul
I know its something worth my desire
Theres someone who keeps it lit
Shes somewhere near
I can feel it inside my heart
And if we ever met
Her and me would never be apart
I know she would feel the same
Its just something I need to figure out
Before the end of time
Her and me will find each other
Live until that day our daughters become mothers
And then they lose us
And the generations repeat one by one
The time we spent in each has been fun
But now its time to go
Gods power has to show
Our family will soon have to let go
Because its our time
To go somewhere far above
And watch over the children we love.

Before the day is done
Some how some way
I will end up having fun
Its all because of you
You turned my life around
Even when my heart was deep blue
And all I can give is the biggest thank you
You are the greatest friend
In you I can always depend
For that I know
God has blessed me with someone special
Not a typical person with a heart
Youre such an angel
Never once have you done
What people call so fun
You have never turned you back
And thats why I know
Our friendship will never lack
For all that I have done
Never wouldve I knew
That god would send someone so special like you.

Goodnight
Today has been a day I shall forget
The worst seems to happen a lot
But nothing could keep me at rest with my tears
You were always here
And now youre gone forever
Inside, you and me will still be together
But there will be no more kisses
No more hugs
All the fears you cleared
Might as well comeback
Theres no way I could make life without you
Before I was so happy
No one could replace my four-year-old smile
But now life seems worthwhile
Its eleven years later
And I still cry overnight
I pray that somehow we meet again
Deep inside I know my prayer may never be answered
At least I know your looking down
Telling me to wipe off my frowns
Inside I also know
That you will always be
My only mother for eternity.

Amanda
An angel in disguise
A princess with her beautiful eyes
A goddess found in my heart
A friend that will never part
Amanda
The angel possessed with superwoman qualities
The princess with all the things to rule the world
The goddess with the touch of gold
The friend who will never grow too old
Amanda
Angel with her wings
Princess with her sacred things
Goddess with her special qualities
Friend on whom you can depend
Amanda
May be an Angel
May be a princess
May be a goddess
I know shes a friend who is nothing short then the very best.

Everyone said it would be so easy
That the pain would end so soon
By the end of the night
And the sight of the full moon
I wasnt sleeping real well
I was tossing and turning
Dreaming you were back here again
Everyone says that death isnt hard to overcome
Well they were all wrong
So many fools in this world
So many angels missing
Never did I think
That before my eyes
God would take my strongest wing
I dont know what to say
My life is turning darker everyday
Its been eleven years
Over four million tears
And I still havent figured your death out
Was it an act of god
Or was it the biggest mistake ever
Never will I be as happy as I was
Never will I be the same
But forever I will carry your name
Mom
Never will those three letters be said again
You are, without a doubt, my sacred friend.

Take my hand
Soar to new heights
Take my hand
And sweet talk all night
Lets have some fun
Baby take my hand
Let me be your true man
So I can take you to new places
Baby take my hand
And explore each others mind
We can look and find
If you take my hand
We can carry out my plan
Baby take my hand
And explore the plan of love

I cry at night
Close my eyes really tight
Enter a paradise full of light
Then my life becomes perfect
I open my eyes
Deep inside I know
That my dreams may someday show
But until then
I close my eyes real tight
And enter a paradise full of light

I bow my head in tearful hours
Try to stop the part of my heart pain devours
But try is just a word
Pain is so hard to understand
So hard to beat whether youre a woman or man
The things I love always seem to die
Or the things I love make me cry
My heart does the loving
But never loved back
For some reason
Never is it my love season
Its always pain or agony
Always tears or nightmares
Girls act so sleazy
My heart goes wheezy
And life bleeds to end
I think about reality
And one day it will
Until then
My heart needs a companion
So Ill try until I die
If I dont
Then I wont be able to cry.

How much love do you need?
Do you want me to be
The perfect guy you see?
Id be that and more
Id do anything to get you
Id walk across the ocean
To be youre little shell in the sand
If I crossed the Bermuda triangle
Could you and me be a love square
With just you and me there
Id do anything to get you
If you were stuck in the middle of a puddle
Id lie on the ground so you wouldnt get wet
If you were lost in a war
Id go to battle just to be with you
So Id do anything
Just to get with you

I know that weve been through so much
Through our mothers loss
Through all the tough battles in life
But were all gonna make it through

Remember the days when we cried
The nights that I calmed your hearts
Even though I wasnt strong myself

Remember the years of agony
The people who said we are so lost
Those years were so tough
Now the roads are so rough
But I know that deep inside our souls
Mother will always tell us what to do

And in the end
All four of us will be close
Never will we lose our touch
Never will we give up in our trust
Because together we will all beat the loss
Maybe not right now
Maybe itll be forever
But in the end all four us will be together.
(End of poem)

Once again
Pain lies deep inside my little heart
Never one day can evil give part
Its a sin for me to believe
That life would be so easy
Nothing will ever please me
No other adult female can take her place
All those days after her death
Were like the first moment of breath
It was so difficult to breathe
And it was so difficult to cope
Never have I moved on
From the days early dawn
To the nights dark
Shes always gonna be the main spark
Life will always carry on
Its just a matter of when the song ends
She died so young
Nowhere near the age shed suppose to
In the end
It may cause a tear
But no one here
Can ever fill her spot
The world will always have a rusty knot

When I was in elementary
I always said my dad was in the penitentiary
No one knew
That I was missing you
Even though the years have gone by
And you havent said one hi
I know you were never a true guy
A man who loves his woman
Is told to always stay even though its rough
Well life has been so tough
Ive dealt with the pain
Sometimes feeling so insane
I know I hate you inside my brain
But I still wished I knew your name
You thought love was a game
And really it isnt
When you say you love someone
It comes from the heart
I guess my mom didnt see
That I love you was coming from a fool
Now look at you
Youre no one in a life of someone
You deserve no breath
And a painful death
If you knew how much I hated you
Would you also see the pain you have caused?

Youre my angel
The sun beneath my sky
Youve been here to ease the tears beneath each eye
Theirs not a day that I dont want to cry
Every time I realize
How lucky I must be to be a guy
With a friend like you
I couldnt ask for much more

Youre my angel
The summertime air that makes me so warm
You are the only one who kept me out of harm
And no I say this with all my heart
I do not ever want to part
Weve both been to hell and back
And I really do not want to go back

So angel
The tear deep inside
I know I am a man
But please do not ever leave
You will always be the wind beneath the trees
You will always be my darling angel
Most of all your always be the same

Life
Is sometimes abused
If they lost someone like you
Fools wouldnt play life as a game
If they knew someone like you
And cherished that person
And all of sudden
Their world ended
Would they realize that life isnt a game?
It shouldnt be played
Its not for two players
And doesnt involve a joystick
Would they still act like a prick?
Life
Is sometimes abused
Even though those people refuse
To look at the light
And see what I miss every night
They dont understand
How people become a man
And they dont realize
The jokes they say make someone else cry.